In Christian theology, while there may well be an individual Self, the essence of the individual, the eternally lasting Self, is the Soul. It is that part of God that exists in every individual and that will, if one has faith and follows Christian teachings, ultimately come to reside with and in God after death. In Islam, the individual ultimately will join God in Paradise if one seeks to do right and asks forgiveness if one does wrong.

In Buddhism, the essential Self is seen as the potential Buddha present in every individual, waiting to be discovered, developed, and ultimately freed as the Buddha self from the sufferings of this world, by following the path to perfect enlightenment and escape, Nirvana. Buddhism has no god, however, and the focus is on individual enlightenment, not pleasing a divinity.

Religions in Western Civilization have seen this life, this Self, at least for some until recently, as transitory and not ideal. The ultimate ideal is found only in the afterlife.

To what extent can one determine the nature of one’s Self? I was recently assured that the personality is largely formed by the age of 10. As one whose personality continued to change and develop for several decades, as one whose personality did not take on its basic present characteristics until my 50s, I have to argue differently.

I have two sons whose personalities did not take relatively unchanging characteristics until their late teens or early 20s. Adolescence is a period in which essential parts are not “set” until the end of the period. Sexual orientation, for example, may be free-floating during the teenage years, as both males and females explore different aspects of what fulfills them. Peer pressure becomes more important during those years than parental influence.